Help! Is Love a Decision or Not?

Hello there lovely readers!

I would very much love to hear your opinion on the topic: love is a decision, yes or no?

This is because we will be having a debate about this tomorrow already, and I am more than eager to know what your stand here is.

For my group and I’s three main points, here they are:

1. You do not choose who you will fall in love with. You do not decide your own love story, the setting and the main character who will be beside you. Love just simply comes, whether you are ready or not.

Under this, is the fact that you cannot force yourself to love someone just because you want the idea of love, yoy want to know what love is, experience it and love someone. It is not that simple.

2. People say that we have standards, what our types are, and even though that may seem like a conscious choice, historically speaking, it is not. Our “standards” are born from our innate instincts that is centuries old which we got from our ancestors. We are always subconsciouly looking for something in someone, and when we find that, whether we know it or not, we start to love that person, and thus, you may think that you chose this person because he is this and that, it still is something that you found beautiful (be it flaws or strengths) from your innate ideas.

We don’t even have to go far in history because as we grow up, a lot of factors influence who we were, what we are now and who will be. Genetics influence us, our families, friends, even books influence us. For example, we first learn of love at home, through our mothers and fathers. And that carries through with who we choose to love in our lives, and Science has proven this yet again and again with how people get attracted to someone, that later blossoms into love, without deciding to love at all because it just comes.

3. Last point is yet another Scientific approach that love is just the release of hormones by chemical reactions in our bodies. The combination of traits that we find in another person is what triggers the brain to produce hormone secretions that results as to why your heart seems to skip a bit and you just feel so happy whenever the person you “love” is around.

Counter-arguments

In any debate, one has to know both sides of the argument after all, and so far, these are the ideas that we came up with:

1. Love does not blossom until you first notice feelings, and once you do, you decide whether to pursue it or not, to bring it to the light or not.

2. Falling in love is easy, staying in love is hard and that is where one decides whether they should continue loving or not.

3. When a girl (I do not know the exact limitations of our debate yet, so anything can happen) is raped and becomes pregnant, that girl can decide whether to love that child she carries or be just a heart-breaking reminder of her past.

4. You choose who you love because everyone has standards on the person that they want.

5.  We had more counter-arguments but because I want to hear your side now, I’ll cut it short.

Lots of love,

Meiji

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20 thoughts on “Help! Is Love a Decision or Not?

    1. I am so sorry to reply so late, I never knew that my reply did not come through, but if it is still of interest to you, it is most unfortunate that we lost. I do not wish to blame my teammates, but I would have to be honest that they were not the best of speakers, but according to the jury, our content was on point, we just needed to work more on our delivery. Thank you so much for commenting and have a nice day!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. This is such an interesting conversation!
    I think the heart wants what it wants. Doe that mean it is good? Does it mean it is always healthy? (like wanting to eat only sweets) no way. But I think that is when the heart and brain collide and we need to listen to our gut. I think that is also when we tend to stay in “bad” relationships. We are conflicted by our heart (and lust and pheromones and all of that stuff also plays a part, you have to be somewhat attracted to a person despite how shallow that sounds) I also think society, our childhoods, life, all influence what we seek in a partner, and even ending up with that person.
    And in the end much like walking, I think every bad relationship pushes you to find that soul mate, that person you will end up with.
    Not sure if this makes sense at all lol. But I do love this conversatioN! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Those are very interesting points as well! It makes sense, don’t worry. I do agree that how we were raised and the society we grew up in influences why we like someone, even if at times, even we do not know what we find in that person. And every failed love story teaches us something different each time, and those valuable inputs that we have will guide us so that someday, we will find that special someone who seems as though they were made for us.
      Thank you so much for taking the time to answer, and I’m very glad that you love this conversation as well! 💖

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lol. I am glad they made sense! I felt like I was rambling 🙂 Of course anytime! It is such an interesting conversation. Everyone loves love, and wants to find that person how we go about it is the interesting (and sometimes confusing) part 🙂 ❤

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  2. In my opinion, the feeling of love is something uncontrollable and can get to you whenever it likes, no matter the people you’re with and the circumstances you’re in. That’s most likely why in English we say “to fall in love”: falling is definitely something unexpected and not moved by our own willing. But I’d say there’s a difference between this, the feeling, and being in love. Researches have demonstrated that a person can fall in love in the span of just four minutes, but it’s thanks to common sense that we know one cannot possibly get to know someone in so little time. That’s why I think that being in love is going past the differences, the “walls”, the flaws lovers naturally find in each other over time and willingly choosing to be with the person they love. It might start from something purely raw, chemicals in our bodies which ignite and condition our way of seeing someone, but, after the first few months of raging wildfire, there must be the mutual desire to keep that fire alive together.

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    1. Absolutely true! If I wasn’t going to be debating about it, that would be my stand as well, that love is in some parts a decision, and in some, it is not. Love itself, the emotion just comes into our lives without us having to ask it, decide that we will love (we can’t force ourselves to love someone just because we want to) BUT, when we choose to keep this love to ourselves or put it out in the open, that is where the decision comes in. Especially when one (or both) decide to keep the love. 💖
      Thank you so, so very much for sharing your thoughts on this!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Woah! This got me thinking! I have never thought of such a thing before, love being a decision or not, but based on my experiences, I think love is not a decision, if are talking in a romantic sense. Oftentimes, we would set standards, and then we meet someone interesting and then boom, we just find ourselves falling. It is not a decision, until the person we love hurts us, because that’s when we get confused or when we tend to ask ourselves if they even deserve our love, or if we shall continue loving them. However, when we decide to stop loving them, we don’t really stop, we continue loving them, but just not in the way we used to.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Amazing insight! Wow, thank you so much for this! And that last part, wow, that really is so true, I did not see about that before. You say you have decided on stopping, but you really can’t. Painful but so true. Thank you so much! 💖💖💖

      Liked by 1 person

        1. As cheesy at it may sound, I do believe that even though people may not appear in person in the pages of our book, they will still be in our minds and hearts, as a memory, as someone whose hearts we knew very much. 💖

          Liked by 1 person

  4. Definitely not a decision for me. HAHA! When I was younger, I didn’t believe in relationships, hell, I even mocked those people who went crazy for love, I mean, what’s the fuss about having someone anyway? I promised myself that I will not let my heart dictate my choices, I will not let it control my emotions. And then it happened, He was not what I wanted, he’s a far cry from the perfect guy I spent nights dreaming about, but when our eyes locked, I couldn’t keep my heart from beating so fast, and before I knew it, I’m in too deep. So, NO, Hell, NO. You can’t decide or choose the person, love chooses for you. I hope it helps, sorry for mumbling. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your response. It is very much appreciated, and I’m so glad about your story. There could be no better story than the one you have. 💖💖💖 And no, it’s not mumbling, it’s so wonderful. Thank you again!

      Liked by 1 person

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